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The worst album covers ever #1: heavy metal

The first in a continuing series of cover art badness. This week… Metal!

Joe Bosso, Fri 15 May 2009, 5:05 pm UTC

Agressor- Neverending Destiny

For which we have a neverending question: "What the hell is this?"


Merciless Death - Evil In The Night

"Hey guys, is it me or is this possibly a bit over the top? Guys? Guys?"


Moray Eel - Priest Hunter

For some reason, that little girl really, really freaks us out.


King Diamond - Conspiracy

Come on, who doesn't look like this after a weekend bender?


Stryper - Soldiers Under Command

And the Lord said, "What are you guys, bees or something?"

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User comments (7)

  • unbelievablemusic

    Avatar for unbelievablemusic

    24 weeks ago.

    So glad you all get the gag! Came across this by accident (excuse the pun) - it's amazing where your stuff turns up - I'm Billy from BONED by the way. This album cover has been good to us and resulted in us playing the Royal Albert Hall with Ian Gillan, Scorpions and Judas Priest (all no strangers to bad covers, ha, ha) as it became a favourite album of the late Tommy Vance shortly before his untimely death. It was never released on vinyl and the original versions are really hared to get hold of but we re-released the album on Current Records with a slightly different cover (only the logo changed - not the wonderful image!!). The album is available from all good download stores and you can also get a copy of our EP, which carries on the theme but has the Les Paul coming out of the Albert Hall. Also, for additional info, the guitar in question seen protruding from lead vocalist Dan Davie's groin is not actually marked Gibson Les Paul - it was re-named - bet nobody can guess what it actually says...anyway, you can see that we don't take ourselves seriously although the music is another thing - there isn't a finer classic rock group in the UK currently - check us out at www.unbelievablemusic.co.uk and visit featured artist pages!!!!
    Billy xx

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  • thelynxeffect

    Avatar for thelynxeffect

    26 weeks ago.

    fao: imported_carlospresents
    guess why it sounds american, it's because the writer's an american, dude! clicking on his name reveals:
    Joe Bosso is a musician and journalist from New Jersey, USA. He is ex-Editor-in-Chief of Guitar World magazine and ex-Vice President of A&R at Island Records.

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  • thedude5

    Avatar for thedude5

    26 weeks ago.

    Man, am I bummin or what? I go to my vinyl store and they don't have a copy of "Boned Up the Crack." They said they had a CD but they sold it TODAY in fact. How's that for apples? This thing's going to be a collector's item and I'm missing out.
    But I did scoop up a copy the death Leprisy album which is insanely cool. I don't need to listen to it and I'm sure I won't but the fact that I have it is awesome. I'm going to sell it for $$ one day.
    And I got an old copy of the Whitesnake album. It says PROMO COPY on it so I guess some dude from a record company gave it away, but hey, it's mine now, you know?
    I told the guy at the store about this story and he picked it up on his laptop. Dude nearly busted a gut looking at the covers man. He said he'd half to track down most of these records so he can make some money. These records can be a goldmine if you can get them all. What a collection to have!!

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  • screentan

    Avatar for screentan

    27 weeks ago.

    Fantastic! Can we have one for gospel albums too please? I'll start the ball rolling with this one - it's priceless:
    http://img39.imageshack.us/img39/5357/faithtones.jpg

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  • DiscoStu

    Avatar for DiscoStu

    27 weeks ago.

    I always thought the BoltThrower cover was great!

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  • thedude5

    Avatar for thedude5

    27 weeks ago.

    Awesome list. This stuff is too funny. I've got to go to the vinyl store in my town (there is one!) and try to find a copy of "Boned Up The Crack." I think it's going to be a collector's item after this story..
    Oh, I just noticed that the band is named Boned and the album is called "Up At The Crack." Still means the same thing really. Collector's item.

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  • imported_carlospresents

    Avatar for imported_carlospresents

    27 weeks ago.

    Although I agree with many of these, have you just copied and pasted them from an American website? First grade? What's that? Doofuses? What are they?
    Keep it up though. Copying and pasting rulez dudez. San Dimas High School Football Rules!

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