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The worst heavy metal album covers of all time

By Joe Bosso
published 15 May 2009

Featuring Death, Boned, Cattle Decapitation and, um, Pat Boone…

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Boned - Up At The Crack
That sound you hear is Les Paul spinning…

Boned - Up At The Crack

What makes an album cover bad? Better yet, what makes one truly terrible?

To paraphrase US Justice Potter Stewart musing on what is 'pornography': "I can't tell you what obscenity is, but I know it when I see it."

And MusicRadar knows a bad album cover when it sees one…

Today, MusicRadar kicks off a series called The Worst Album Covers Ever, with our first installment shining a harsh light on the world of heavy metal. The songs may rock, the singers may scream, the solos may impressively shred.

But what the hell is happening with these album covers? Oh, and warning - a few of these verge on the NSFW.

All of them however verge on the terrible…

Page 1 of 51
Page 1 of 51
Cinderella - Night Songs
"Look at the bitchin' clothes Mom got us at the rock store! She even named our band too!"

Cinderella - Night Songs

Page 2 of 51
Page 2 of 51
Death - Leprosy
Because the one thing people like more than death is leprosy…

Death - Leprosy

Page 3 of 51
Page 3 of 51
Battle Axe - Burn This Town
"And the winner of the St Mary's first-grade 'Draw A Heavy Metal Album Cover' contest is…"

Battle Axe - Burn This Town

Page 4 of 51
Page 4 of 51
Scorpions - Animal Magnetism
We're confused. Does the man want to be serviced by the dog, the girl or - ulp! - both?

Scorpions - Animal Magnetism

Page 5 of 51
Page 5 of 51
Pantera - Metal Magic
"And runner-up in the St Mary's first-grade 'Draw A Heavy Metal Album Cover' contest is…"

Pantera - Metal Magic

Page 6 of 51
Page 6 of 51
Tankard - The Beauty And The Beer
Tankard are big Shrek fans. Shrek has yet to come back to us about how he feels about Tankard…

Tankard - The Beauty And The Beer

Page 7 of 51
Page 7 of 51
Krokus - Heart Attack
"So we'll make a heart, but it'll really be a pair of boobs! God, are we brilliant, or what?"

Krokus - Heart Attack

Page 8 of 51
Page 8 of 51
Manowar - Anthology
Original caption removed because, well, the picture's enough

Manowar - Anthology

Page 9 of 51
Page 9 of 51
Vinnie Vincent Invasion - Vinnie Vincent Invasion
It's kinda subtle, Vinnie. Next time, go bold. People need to know what they're (not) buying…

Vinnie Vincent Invasion - Vinnie Vincent Invasion

Page 10 of 51
Page 10 of 51
Pat Boone - In A Metal Mood - No More Mr Nice Guy
Just look at him - you know it's gonna frikkin' rock!

Pat Boone - In A Metal Mood - No More Mr Nice Guy

Page 11 of 51
Page 11 of 51
Whitesnake - Lovehunter
This is what David Coverdale sits around thinking about. Hey, it's a living.

Whitesnake - Lovehunter

Page 12 of 51
Page 12 of 51
Cattle Decapitation - Humanure
And this is what Cattle Decapitation sit around thinking about. Suddenly, Coverdale seems like a genius…

Cattle Decapitation - Humanure

Page 13 of 51
Page 13 of 51
Ron Keel - Ron Keel
So, wait a minute...is the album called Ron Keel? Hard to tell…

Ron Keel - Ron Keel

Page 14 of 51
Page 14 of 51
Riot - Narita
And this is what happens when everybody in the band gets to pick an image…

Riot - Narita

Page 15 of 51
Page 15 of 51
Kevin DuBrow - In For The Kill
Tragically, Kevin could only afford half the mask at this point

Kevin DuBrow - In For The Kill

Page 16 of 51
Page 16 of 51
Devourment - Molesting The Decapitated
Obviously, Devourment were going for the chicks with this baby

Devourment - Molesting The Decapitated

Page 17 of 51
Page 17 of 51
Wrathchild - Stakk Attakk
Hard to say what's worse, the generic metal attire or the rampant overuse of the letter 'K'

Wrathchild - Stakk Attakk

Page 18 of 51
Page 18 of 51
Manowar - Blow Your Speakers
Four guys and three girls. Somebody didn't do their math…

Manowar - Blow Your Speakers

Page 19 of 51
Page 19 of 51
Manowar - Fighting The World
"Hey, let's use the same album cover but lose the girls. Nobody'll notice…"

Manowar - Fighting The World

Page 20 of 51
Page 20 of 51
Testament - Return To The Apocalyptic City
Testament went for a low-rent verson of Iron Maiden's 'Eddie.' Lame, guys, very lame

Testament - Return To The Apocalyptic City

Page 21 of 51
Page 21 of 51
The Great Kat - Bloody Vivaldi
Now it might say Vivaldi but it's not exactly Deutsche Grammophon is it?

The Great Kat - Bloody Vivaldi

Page 22 of 51
Page 22 of 51
Panzer - Tierra De Metales
No, we've never heard of them either. Anyway, what's weirdest - the surprised-looking dude on the left, or the guy with the weird eye?

Panzer - Tierra De Metales

Page 23 of 51
Page 23 of 51
Pantera - Projects In The Jungle
Pantera had so much fun with St Mary's 'Draw A Heavy Metal Album Cover' contest, they decided to do one of their own. Next time, let the kids do their thing

Pantera - Projects In The Jungle

Page 24 of 51
Page 24 of 51
Steelheart - Steelheart
"Steel? Check. Heart? Check. Yeah, we're good!"

Steelheart - Steelheart

Page 25 of 51
Page 25 of 51
Bonded By Blood - Extinguish The Weak
"And last place in the St Mary's first-grade 'Draw A Heavy Metal Album Cover' contest goes to…"

Bonded By Blood - Extinguish The Weak

Page 26 of 51
Page 26 of 51
Metal Skool - Metal Skool
"We'll spell 'school' with a 'K' instead of a 'C.' And then we'll come up with a look nobody's ever seen before. Hell, we'll even switch headbands!"

Metal Skool - Metal Skool

Page 27 of 51
Page 27 of 51
Ratt - Reach For The Sky
"So we need to somehow get across 'reaching' and 'sky'… Got it!"

Ratt - Reach For The Sky

Page 28 of 51
Page 28 of 51
Fist - Back With A Vengeance
The ol' fist in the face - haven't seen that before

Fist - Back With A Vengeance

Page 29 of 51
Page 29 of 51
Anthrax - Fistful of Metal
Nope, haven't seen it before at all…

Anthrax - Fistful of Metal

Page 30 of 51
Page 30 of 51
Manowar - Into Glory Ride
This is getting ridiculous now - this band need a feature of their own

Manowar - Into Glory Ride

Page 31 of 51
Page 31 of 51
Yngwie J Malmsteen - Trilogy
I mean, who doesn't dream about fighting a three-headed dragon with a guitar?

Yngwie J Malmsteen - Trilogy

Page 32 of 51
Page 32 of 51
King Kobra - Thrill Of A Lifetime
You've got to wonder what the cover they turned down looked like?

King Kobra - Thrill Of A Lifetime

Page 33 of 51
Page 33 of 51
High Frequency - Masters Of Madness
Masters Of Moustaches. At least half of 'em, especially the dude who's pointing - he means it

High Frequency - Masters Of Madness

Page 34 of 51
Page 34 of 51
Krokus - The Best Of Krokus - Stayed Awake All Night
Do we need two of these little demon fellas for our ears?

Krokus - The Best Of Krokus - Stayed Awake All Night

Page 35 of 51
Page 35 of 51
Randy Coven - Funk Me Tender
"Got my cool metal pants...my headband...my awesome bass. I rule Long Island!"

Randy Coven - Funk Me Tender

Page 36 of 51
Page 36 of 51
Raven - The Pack Is Back
As for the dude on the right, can he put his pack back? In fact, can all of those bringing their respective packs back just back off?

Raven - The Pack Is Back

Page 37 of 51
Page 37 of 51
Tommy Lee - Tommyland: The Ride
Tommy had a lot of time on his hands in prison. Unfortunately, he had art supplies too

Tommy Lee - Tommyland: The Ride

Page 38 of 51
Page 38 of 51
Autograph - Loud And Clear
You guys look like doofuses. That 'loud and clear' enough for ya?

Autograph - Loud And Clear

Page 39 of 51
Page 39 of 51
Triumph - Allied Forces
Because a pointy logo needs a pointy guitar

Triumph - Allied Forces

Page 40 of 51
Page 40 of 51
Pretty Boy Floyd - Leather Boyz With Electric Toyz
Is it us or do these 'boyz' look like 'girlz'?

Pretty Boy Floyd - Leather Boyz With Electric Toyz

Page 41 of 51
Page 41 of 51
Agressor - Neverending Destiny
For which we have a neverending question: "What the HELL is this?"

Agressor - Neverending Destiny

Page 42 of 51
Page 42 of 51
Merciless Death - Evil In The Night
"Hey guys, is it me or is this possibly a bit over the top? Guys? Guys?"

Merciless Death - Evil In The Night

Page 43 of 51
Page 43 of 51
Moray Eel - Priest Hunter
For some reason, that little girl really, really freaks us out…

Moray Eel - Priest Hunter

Page 44 of 51
Page 44 of 51
King Diamond - Conspiracy
Come on, who doesn't look like this after a weekend bender?

King Diamond - Conspiracy

Page 45 of 51
Page 45 of 51
Stryper - Soldiers Under Command
And the Lord said, "What are you guys, bees or something?"

Stryper - Soldiers Under Command

Page 46 of 51
Page 46 of 51
Bolt Thrower - Warmaster
"You call that a sword? THIS is a sword!"

Bolt Thrower - Warmaster

Page 47 of 51
Page 47 of 51
Farscape - Killers On The Loose
"Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got..."

Farscape - Killers On The Loose

Page 48 of 51
Page 48 of 51
Eliminator - Breaking The Wheel
Ask Dick Cheney to design your cover, this is what you get…

Eliminator - Breaking The Wheel

Page 49 of 51
Page 49 of 51
Stryken - First Strike
Actually, I think you'll find it's Three Strikes…

Stryken - First Strike

Page 50 of 51
Page 50 of 51
Fastway - Trick Or Treat
Trick, surely

Fastway - Trick Or Treat

Liked this? Now read...

  • The worst album covers ever: just plain wrong
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  • The worst album covers ever: illustrated
  • The worst album covers ever: nude

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Joe Bosso
Joe Bosso

Joe is a freelance journalist who has, over the past few decades, interviewed hundreds of guitarists for Guitar World, Guitar Player, MusicRadar and Classic Rock. He is also a former editor of Guitar World, contributing writer for Guitar Aficionado and VP of A&R for Island Records. He’s an enthusiastic guitarist, but he’s nowhere near the likes of the people he interviews. Surprisingly, his skills are more suited to the drums. If you need a drummer for your Beatles tribute band, look him up.

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