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The worst album covers ever #2: hip-hop

By Joe Bosso
published 27 May 2009

The second in our continuing series of cover art lameness. This week... Hip-hop!

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Luke - I Got Shit On My Mind
It's not so much the faux lesbianism or awful typography that stays with you, it's the way Luke is staring out of the cover and into YOUR SOUL. And while we're here, where's his other hand?

Luke - I Got Shit On My Mind

Let's be honest: ridiculing any musical genre that calls Vanilla Ice one of its own is akin to shooting fish in a barrel.

On the other hand, have you ever tried shooting fish in a barrel? Fun for hours!

Recently, MusicRadar kicked off a series called The Worst Album Covers Ever, with our inaugural feature harpooning the lamest and most ludicrous cover art that heavy metal ever spewed forth.

And because we're equal opportunity hecklers, we now turn our cringing, disbelieving (OK, bursting-out-laughing) faces to the world of hip-hop, which has no shortage of album cover wretchedness.

At its best, hip-hop is a vital, challenging, creative musical force in which social commentary is delivered as poetry over beats and instrumentation that rock the body and the senses.

These albums don't do that. Well, they might but you wouldn't know it from their covers.

Enough talk (except for a quick 'WARNING! Some of these are verging on the NSFW but only if you work in a place of worship with a public-facing computer or something').

Hip-hop? We love you man, but sometimes a man's gotta shoot a fish, you know?

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Page 1 of 23
Big Bear - Doin Thangs
An exquisite homage to everybody's favorite series of paintings, CM Coolidge's Dogs Playing Poker (1903). Maybe it looks better on velvet. And with dogs playing poker

Big Bear - Doin Thangs

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Page 2 of 23
Hell Rell - Just For The Hell Of It
"Hey, let's play a goof on Hell Rell. We'll get his ass drunk to hell and take him to my cousin who's studying to be a dentist. It'll be a riot!"

Hell Rell - Just For The Hell Of It

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Page 3 of 23
Vanilla Ice - To The Extreme
Try looking up 'extreme' in the dictionary. You sure as hell ain't going to see a picture of this album…

Vanilla Ice - To The Extreme

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Page 4 of 23
Devastatin' Dave (The Turntable Slave) - Zip Zap Rap
A rapper. With a mullet. There are words to describe such a beast but 'devastatin'' ain't one of them…

Devastatin' Dave (The Turntable Slave) - Zip Zap Rap

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Page 5 of 23
Pooh-Man (MC Pooh) - Funky As I Wanna Be
Because women always feel way more secure when their gynecologists wear sunglasses

Pooh-Man (MC Pooh) - Funky As I Wanna Be

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Page 6 of 23
Geto Boys - We Can't Be Stopped
Bill? Bill? Actually, this might be a good time to stop

Geto Boys - We Can't Be Stopped

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Page 7 of 23
Tony Tee - Time To Get Physical
Nothing gets a lady more in the mood than seeing a man who needs two spotters

Tony Tee - Time To Get Physical

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Page 8 of 23
Vanilla Ice - Cool As Ice soundtrack
LOOK AT THOSE TROUSERS! LOOK AT THEM!

Vanilla Ice - Cool As Ice soundtrack

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Page 9 of 23
The Rappin' Mathematician - Volume 1
Yo, this shit is street!

The Rappin' Mathematician - Volume 1

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Page 10 of 23
Iceberg - Gangsta Rap
Our man Iceberg wanted to go for something sexy. And then he thought of this instead. Ithankyou!

Iceberg - Gangsta Rap

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Page 11 of 23
Hammer - Too Legit To Quit
A Harris Poll conducted at the time of the album's release reported shocking results: 104% - Quit

Hammer - Too Legit To Quit

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Page 12 of 23
Black Jesus - T.G.S.N.T.
Black Jesus just loves his new PhotoShop application. Indeed, the back of this cover features him riding a purple unicorn in Valhalla

Black Jesus - T.G.S.N.T.

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Page 13 of 23
Sumthin' Terrible - U 2tupid
Only the saintliness of Mr Bono stopped U2 getting on the phone to their people

Sumthin' Terrible - U 2tupid

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Page 14 of 23
he 2 Live Crew - As Nasty As They Wanna Be
Hell, at least the Crew didn't wear the thongs. Shudder

he 2 Live Crew - As Nasty As They Wanna Be

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Page 15 of 23
Spank Rock and Benny Blanco are... Bangers & Cash
Irony? Homage? Not enough cash to hire professional swimsuit models? Us neither

Spank Rock and Benny Blanco are... Bangers & Cash

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Page 16 of 23
Suitcase Sam - Rappin' In The Country With Suitcase Sam
Whether it's in the country or not, whenever we think rap, we always think Suitcase Sam

Suitcase Sam - Rappin' In The Country With Suitcase Sam

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Page 17 of 23
Vanilla Ice - Extremely Live
Remember what we said about shooting fish in a barrel? Take a look at Vanilla Cod

Vanilla Ice - Extremely Live

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Page 18 of 23
New Recruits - Torpedo Alert
Truly a record commission day for the sales assistant down at Sunglass Hut

New Recruits - Torpedo Alert

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Page 19 of 23
Indo G Presents... Christmas N' Memphis (Christmas Will Never Be The Same)
The sequel to How The Grinch Stole Christmas never got the green light

Indo G Presents... Christmas N' Memphis (Christmas Will Never Be The Same)

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Page 20 of 23
Lupe Fiasco - Food And Liquor
If he's been good, sometimes Black Jesus lets Lupe use his PhotoShop

Lupe Fiasco - Food And Liquor

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Page 21 of 23
Insane Clown Posse - Amazing Jeckel Brothers
Scary? You betcha... TO A SIX-YEAR OLD!

Insane Clown Posse - Amazing Jeckel Brothers

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Page 22 of 23
Lil' Flip - The Leprechaun
Neither lucky nor charming (nor much good)

Lil' Flip - The Leprechaun

Liked this? Now read: The worst album covers ever #1: heavy metal

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Joe Bosso
Joe Bosso
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Joe is a freelance journalist who has, over the past few decades, interviewed hundreds of guitarists for Guitar World, Guitar Player, MusicRadar and Classic Rock. He is also a former editor of Guitar World, contributing writer for Guitar Aficionado and VP of A&R for Island Records. He’s an enthusiastic guitarist, but he’s nowhere near the likes of the people he interviews. Surprisingly, his skills are more suited to the drums. If you need a drummer for your Beatles tribute band, look him up.

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