This free plugin captures the shrill and squeaky sound of the most irritating musical instrument known to man... just in time for April Fool’s Day

Ask anyone what the most irritating musical instrument is, and they’ll probably single out the recorder.

In the hands of an inexperienced player, its harsh and squeaky tones can become a musical torture device, conjuring up painful memories of a classroom full of seven-year-olds attempting to play tuneless renditions of Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star on top of each other.

Imagine our surprise, then, when software developer Ujam announced that it was releasing a free virtual instrument based on the ear-splitting sounds of this child-sized duct flute… just in time for April Fool’s Day.

Inspired by the off-pitch flute and recorder renditions that have become “a staple of internet culture”, Ujam’s BeautyFlute Pro promises to “take your tracks to a whole other dimension”. (While that’s technically true, we’re not sure if it’s a dimension that we want to visit.) “It looks like a polished instrument, but delivers some very unconventional results,” reads Ujam’s press release.

Capturing the shrill and discordant sound of a poorly-played recorder, BeautyFlute is equipped with multiple, equally distressing velocity layers, and even features three unique recorder models: Vanilla, Diva and Sisters, an ensemble mode.

You also get a choice of three levels of “Emoçion” – Delulu, Tantrum, and Drunk – which adjust the level of note-off samples for added realism, and three Ambience settings for the onboard reverb.

Introducing: BEAUTYFLUTE Pro – A Flute With ‘Tude - YouTube

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“There are songs that just can’t be left alone the way they were released. I felt they needed a ‘flute with ’tude’ to bring out their true emotional potential,” said Ujam’s “Head of Recorder Recording” Derek von Krogh. “This may be the most important contribution I’ve made to music.”

We’ve seen our fair share of pranks pulled by music tech companies on April Fool’s Day, but BeautyFlute Pro is up there with the best of them – and while it may be a joke, the plugin is 100% real, and you can download it now from Ujam’s website. (What you do with it after that, we’re not entirely sure.)

BeautyFlute Pro is compatible with macOS and Windows and available in VST/VST3/AU/AAX formats.