“Keeping outta trouble? Not me!” confesses Steel Panther four-stringer Lexxi Foxxx.
“We’re so excited about our new record Lower The Bar, it’s been constant partying. It just came out over here in America but you guys in England are so far away, I don’t know what year it is over there.
“Last night we went crazy and had a party at my mom’s house... she just made breakfast for everybody. We need to kick people outta here and get ready to start touring.”
As you’d expect, Steel Panther’s fourth album proper is a rollercoaster ride through decadence and debauchery. It’s the kind of no-holds barred, tell-all affair many bands shy of in the age of political correctness.
But for these hair-metal maniacs, the music is simply their appropriation of real-life events. Or so they’d have you believe…
“It’s all based on truth: like Gangbang At The Old Folks Home on the last record - Michael was working at a pizza place and ran into this situation,” cackles Lexxi, painting quite the picture indeed.
“Every song is like an event for us. On this new album, Wrong Side Of The Tracks (Out In Beverley Hills) was about me - there was a hooker in Beverley Hills and I really shouldn’t have run into her... the song speaks for itself.
“The title, Lower The Bar, is actually play on words. Satchel - who is the man with the brains in this band - thought it meant lowering a bar so short people can drink. But it turns out it can mean so much more than that!”
He might have the diva hairstyle, but Lexxi is certainly no diva when it comes to gear. The Steel Panther bassist is open about having little in the way of loyalties when it comes to the instrument in his hands - though more often than not, it’s a Kramer waiting for him on racks around the world…
“I like it because it’s long and lean, like me!” grins Lexxi.
“Because I don’t really eat, and if I have to, I just throw up after. It’s so light, I can spin the thing around with it getting in the way much. I also have this Nikki Sixx bass, but it’s way too heavy for me.
“Being in a metal band you have to land on your feet, and your instruments have to be the same way. Right now it’s Kramer, but if people start making lighter ones, I’ll switch my endorsement to whatever looks coolest.”
Here the bassist gives his five tips to musical elevation. Well, at least in his own definition of the term…
Lower The Bar is out now.
1. Make sure you look good
“I guess this first one is the most important. I only have four strings and I probably only play two of them. I play them well, but it’s more about how I look. The other guys are way more musical than I am. Anyone can do my job; I’m only in this band for my looks.
“Being as old as I am, it’s getting harder and harder to look good. So my recommendation in that scenario is do a lot of cocaine or exercise. You know, so you stay thin and look good.”
2. Grow your hair
“If you love metal, you’ve gotta do this one! And then comes the hard part: you need to maintain it.
“I don’t believe anyone else knows how to maintain hair like I do - I’m up-to-date on all the latest treatments and bleaches. A lot of musicians forget it’s all about how you look…
“Obviously, I do a big hair flip - I spray the right side so it stays up. It also covers up part of your left eye, which is kinda hot and mysterious. When chicks do that, I think it looks foxy, so that’s my thing now. Also, hot oil treatments can be very good…
“Being onstage with Michael [Starr, vocals], sometimes Satchel as well, if I’m pissed at them I’ll whip my hair into their face. It doesn’t hurt; I just do it to make them stay away from me.”
3. Get Botox
“Make sure you get some work done or do everything you can to look younger. Like I said, if you’re a bit over-age like us, it can get tough to appear youthful.
“I’m happy to admit I’ve had the most work done in this band. And to be honest, if I didn’t look bitchin’, I wouldn’t be here talking to you. So how the hell can botox be anything but a good thing?!”
4. Practise (if you have to)
“My fourth tip would be practice. Practise the bass, I guess. You could say this tip is more orientated to all the actual musos out there. I don’t have much more to say on the matter…
“I practise anything Satchel tells me to. So what I’m practising right now is the new record. It’s fun to do because the songs are good. It’s probably my favourite record we’ve put out so far… but of course I’m going to say that.”
5. Make sure you give the first three tips more attention
“When I look in the mirror, I just want everything to be okay - and my face does that. It makes everything okay, just like drugs do. I guess it’s catch 38 kinda thing or whatever they call it.
“When I’m playing I need my face to look fine. But after that, all I really need is a big white track on a mirror and my hair pulled back.
“I don’t use my thumb for playing bass; it works better for other things. There are other ways to do the Shocker, for example - it doesn’t always need to be the same fingers. If you get a crazy girl, it doesn’t need to be the pinky...
“On bass, if I play with my fingers, I might put my thumb on a pickup I guess. That’s another use for a thumb. Also if I have to poop, I use my thumb to pull the seat down. There you go: Lexxi’s top three uses for the thumb. Bye!”