10 things your band name says about you
![Introduction](https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/e8f20184eb80d419c39981da8afc5617-320-80.jpg)
Introduction
Band names are hard. But whether yours is a total throwaway or a carefully contemplated piece of satire, think carefully: that name is going to appear on your Facebook page, album covers and – with any luck – t-shirts, mugs, picks and other assorted merchandise.
Below is a sort of spotter's guide for some of the most common band-name groupings – yes, there are exceptions, but for the most part, these are the conclusions your audience will be leaping toward first…
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![1. Inexplicable ümlaüt](https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/8a4d2b10b935b618ae5ba3039bc2334b-320-80.jpg)
1. Inexplicable ümlaüt
Metallers can’t get enough of the punctuation mark that hovers over certain German vowels.
Sprinkling a fistful over your own band name is the fastest route to a morning slot at Bloodstock – though you might get a glare from Lemmy for nicking his idea.
![2. Intentional typo](https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/c3c869ffa4f8b71ae9c18020bd7072ae-320-80.jpg)
2. Intentional typo
Whoa, dude – you’re so rock ’n’ roll, you sneer in the face of correct spelling.
In fact, you probably just threw your Oxford Dictionary out of the hotel window, along with the plasma screen…
![3. Needlessly longwinded](https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/56ca944af198107a022fbdb95e486b4c-320-80.jpg)
3. Needlessly longwinded
Hard to fit on a flyer, impossible to chant, infuriating to repeat down the phone to a booking agent – you really need a rebrand and a slap.
![4. Unpronounceable squiggle](https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/76d5028030794d1dccd99996092d7d29-320-80.jpg)
4. Unpronounceable squiggle
In 1993, Prince drew global attention by reinventing himself as a hieroglyph dubbed the Love Symbol.
Try it for yourself, and you may find that nobody can find you on Google and everybody thinks you’re a total pretentious dick.
![5. Exclamation mark](https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/ccf10aa41da69ca71e640325b442c5d2-320-80.jpg)
5. Exclamation mark
If you need punctuation to convey a sense of excitement and momentum, maybe it’s time you worked on your songs.
![6. Your surname](https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/608c60dcb07ee32e53d525dd6601284f-320-80.jpg)
6. Your surname
Technically, it’s a band, not a solo venture. But we all know what’s going on: you’re a raging egomaniac, who views his bandmates as a backing track, but doesn’t quite have the balls to go it alone.
![7. Expletive](https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/5a0ad6caa09532ddf2811e6c0df4d2d4-320-80.jpg)
7. Expletive
You’re wannabe anarchists who flip a finger at conformists like Coldplay and U2.
You’re out to smash the system, and make sure that Nick Grimshaw can’t namecheck you.
![8. Reference to ferocious animal](https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/e8f20184eb80d419c39981da8afc5617-320-80.jpg)
8. Reference to ferocious animal
If you’ve taken your name from an animal that can be kept as a domestic pet, you’re probably an artsy indie band, like Cat Power or Modest Mouse.
But if your moniker references a beast with claws, tusks or fangs, you’re most likely an 80s metal throwback, with wet-straw perms and courgettes stuffed down your leotards.
![9. Starts with 'The'](https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/4e1b56d0e620094d5f71959d40081761-320-80.jpg)
9. Starts with 'The'
You’re wearing a skinny tie, Cons and a leather jacket stolen from a New York thrift store.
You’re probably playing a two-note solo in a Bowery basement, drawling into a knackered mic – and hoping no-one finds out that you went to a Swiss finishing school.
![10. Random digit](https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/8eb6e19e8449e09c941636f64ba43d88-320-80.jpg)
10. Random digit
There’s nothing quite like a number that’s been seemingly plucked from thin air to give your band an instant shot of dumb-ass, frat-house, punk-lite idiocy.
Just be ready with a suitable screwball anecdote when quizzed – eg, “It’s the number of giraffes the drummer has wanked off…”
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