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10 things your band name says about you

News
By Total Guitar ( Total Guitar ) published 11 November 2015

Monikers and the meanings behind them

When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. Here’s how it works.

Introduction

Introduction

Band names are hard. But whether yours is a total throwaway or a carefully contemplated piece of satire, think carefully: that name is going to appear on your Facebook page, album covers and – with any luck – t-shirts, mugs, picks and other assorted merchandise.

Below is a sort of spotter's guide for some of the most common band-name groupings – yes, there are exceptions, but for the most part, these are the conclusions your audience will be leaping toward first…

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Page 1 of 11
Page 1 of 11
1. Inexplicable ümlaüt

1. Inexplicable ümlaüt

Metallers can’t get enough of the punctuation mark that hovers over certain German vowels.

Sprinkling a fistful over your own band name is the fastest route to a morning slot at Bloodstock – though you might get a glare from Lemmy for nicking his idea.

Page 2 of 11
Page 2 of 11
2. Intentional typo

2. Intentional typo

Whoa, dude – you’re so rock ’n’ roll, you sneer in the face of correct spelling.

In fact, you probably just threw your Oxford Dictionary out of the hotel window, along with the plasma screen…

Page 3 of 11
Page 3 of 11
3. Needlessly longwinded

3. Needlessly longwinded

Hard to fit on a flyer, impossible to chant, infuriating to repeat down the phone to a booking agent – you really need a rebrand and a slap.

Page 4 of 11
Page 4 of 11
4. Unpronounceable squiggle

4. Unpronounceable squiggle

In 1993, Prince drew global attention by reinventing himself as a hieroglyph dubbed the Love Symbol.

Try it for yourself, and you may find that nobody can find you on Google and everybody thinks you’re a total pretentious dick.

Page 5 of 11
Page 5 of 11
5. Exclamation mark

5. Exclamation mark

If you need punctuation to convey a sense of excitement and momentum, maybe it’s time you worked on your songs.

Page 6 of 11
Page 6 of 11
6. Your surname

6. Your surname

Technically, it’s a band, not a solo venture. But we all know what’s going on: you’re a raging egomaniac, who views his bandmates as a backing track, but doesn’t quite have the balls to go it alone.

Page 7 of 11
Page 7 of 11
7. Expletive

7. Expletive

You’re wannabe anarchists who flip a finger at conformists like Coldplay and U2.

You’re out to smash the system, and make sure that Nick Grimshaw can’t namecheck you.

Page 8 of 11
Page 8 of 11
8. Reference to ferocious animal

8. Reference to ferocious animal

If you’ve taken your name from an animal that can be kept as a domestic pet, you’re probably an artsy indie band, like Cat Power or Modest Mouse.

But if your moniker references a beast with claws, tusks or fangs, you’re most likely an 80s metal throwback, with wet-straw perms and courgettes stuffed down your leotards.

Page 9 of 11
Page 9 of 11
9. Starts with 'The'

9. Starts with 'The'

You’re wearing a skinny tie, Cons and a leather jacket stolen from a New York thrift store.

You’re probably playing a two-note solo in a Bowery basement, drawling into a knackered mic – and hoping no-one finds out that you went to a Swiss finishing school.

Page 10 of 11
Page 10 of 11
10. Random digit

10. Random digit

There’s nothing quite like a number that’s been seemingly plucked from thin air to give your band an instant shot of dumb-ass, frat-house, punk-lite idiocy.

Just be ready with a suitable screwball anecdote when quizzed – eg, “It’s the number of giraffes the drummer has wanked off…”

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Page 11 of 11
Total Guitar
Total Guitar
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Total Guitar is Europe's best-selling guitar magazine.

Every month we feature interviews with the biggest names and hottest new acts in guitar land, plus Guest Lessons from the stars.

Finally, our Rocked & Rated section is the place to go for reviews, round-ups and help setting up your guitars and gear.

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