21 of the best drummer jokes ever

There's a joke here somewhere
There's a joke here somewhere

As every musician knows, to have a great band you need a great drummer.

It's true. Try to imagine The Beatles without Ringo Starr. Or The Rolling Stones without Charlie Watts. The Police without Stewart Copeland. Metallica without Lars Ulrich. Rush without Neil Peart. Unthinkable, right?

Even so, drummer jokes abound. But we're going to let you in on a little secret: We drummers love the jokes. 

We trade them and e-mail them to one another. The more the merrier. And so, with that in mind, MusicRadar has compiled the 23 best drummer jokes of all time.

Why 21 you ask? What, you expect us to actually count to a normal number?

1. How do you tell if the stage is level?
The drummer is drooling from both sides of his mouth.

2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door?
The knocking speeds up.

3. What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
"Hey, how about we try one of my songs?"

4. What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?

5. How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five: One to screw the bulb in, and four to talk about how much better
Neil Peart could've done it.

6. How do you get a drummer off of your porch?
Pay him 10 bucks for the pizza.

7. Why didn't the Little Drummer Boy get into heaven?
Because he woke up the baby, for Christ's sake!

8. What do you call a drummer with half a brain?

9. What does a drummer use for contraception?
His personality.

10. What do you say to a drummer in a three-piece suit?
"Will the defendant please rise?"

11. "Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
"Oh, about half a beat behind the drummer."

12. Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
Me neither.

13. Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
So they can park in the handicapped spot.

14. How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
You know it's coming, but there's nothing you can do about it.

15. An amateur drummer died and went to heaven. He was waiting outside the pearly gates when he heard the most incredible fast and furious drumming coming from within. Immediately he recognized the playing and rushed to ask St. Peter if that was Buddy Rich playing drums inside the gates. St. Peter responded: "No, that's God. He just thinks he's Buddy Rich."

16. What's the first thing a drummer says when he moves to LA?
"Would you like fries with that, sir?

17. What is the difference between a drummer and a savings bond?
One will mature and make money.

18. An Indian chief and a cavalry captain climb to the top of a tall hill and look out upon the entire Indian tribe. The captain says worriedly, "I don't like the sound of those drums." The chief says, "I know. It's not our regular drummer."

19. Why do drummers have lots of kids?
They're not too good at the Rhythm Method.

20. What do you do if you accidentally run over a drummer?
Back up.

21. What did the drummer say to the band leader?
"Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?"

Joe Bosso

Joe is a freelance journalist who has, over the past few decades, interviewed hundreds of guitarists for Guitar WorldGuitar PlayerMusicRadar and Classic Rock. He is also a former editor of Guitar World, contributing writer for Guitar Aficionado and VP of A&R for Island Records. He’s an enthusiastic guitarist, but he’s nowhere near the likes of the people he interviews. Surprisingly, his skills are more suited to the drums. If you need a drummer for your Beatles tribute band, look him up.