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"Heartbreaker, with your..." Oh, don't say it!

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I was just a wee Lebowski, rolling strikes and drinking virgin White Russians, when I first heard Mick Jagger snarl that immortal line: "Heartbreaker, with your bowling ball." Cool! I thought. Jagger digs the lanes too. Maybe one day when I'm a big-time rock journalist, he and I can go bowling together.

Years later, when a know-it-all friend informed me that the correct words to The Rolling Stones's ditty was "Heartbreaker, with your .44," I realized that the song wasn't about bowling at all. It was about crime and urban blight. All of which made the song less personal to me. It also made the song not as good.

Through the years, similar experiences have happened, like the time I first heard Purple Haze. Awesome song, killer riff, the whole deal. But the composition truly took on a new dimension when Jimi Hendrix belted out the line "'Scuse me while I kiss this guy." Whoa! I thought to myself. Not only is Jimi Hendrix the first (and only) black psychedelic rock guitar hero, he's a gay rights activist as well. Here again, my know-it-all friend set me straight - the song was about cosmic consciousness and stuff like that. It wasn't a gay anthem at all. Still a cool tune, but not what I thought.

Being a guitarist and drummer, I admit that I don't listen to lyrics as closely as others might. I tend to focus on the overall sound of the song, the playing, and the way a singer puts the words across. Unfortunately for me, what I believe the singer is saying oftentimes differs from reality. And most of the time, the latter isn't better. Here are more examples:

Creedence Clearwater Revival - Bad Moon Rising When John Fogerty sang the words "There's a bathroom on the right," I thought he was being quite helpful, instructing people to the lavatory. It never occurred to me that he was merely trying to be spooky.

Bruce Springsteen - Born To Run "Baby this town rips the balls from your sack" sent shockwaves right through me. "Man, Bruce is really telling it like it is!" I said to myself. When I found out that he was singing "Baby this town rips the bones from your back," it seemed as if the sentiment wasn't as forceful. He's still a good writer though.

ELO - Don't Bring Me Down And here I thought Jeff Lynne was asking Springsteen not to disappoint when he pleaded "Don't bring me down, Bruce!" In point of fact, the last word, "grroosss!" makes no sense at all.

Dobie Gray - Drift Away In this soul classic, the words "Gimme The Beach Boys or gimme the meatballs" always held a special kind of meaning. The actual words, "Gimme the beat boys and free my soul" are okay, but not quite as magical.