Surprise your special lady or man friend by booking diminutive funk/soul legend Prince for his or her birthday. Imagine the look on your loved one's face as the little lothario cracks into a lively version of Purple Rain specially dedicated to them. Wouldn't that be wonderful? All you need is $4.8 million. That's what he's getting for his headline performance at California's Coachella festival later this month. If he plays a 90 minute set that means he will be getting slightly over $53,000 per minute.
Elsewhere in the rapidly-declining-in-credibility world, Muse have announced their intention to form a British version of Rage Against The Machine with chavvy The Streets frontman Mike Skinner on vocals.
Speaking to BBC 6Music, Matt Bellamy said: "We haven't asked [Mike Skinner] yet, but we would like to do England's answer to Rage Against The Machine. Like London rap-rock, just like a little one-off. It might be a laugh!"
It might be a laugh. It might also be as funny as sliding down a 12 foot razorblade on your balls.
Finally, merkin-haired Queen guitarist Dr Brian May has officially succeeded Cherie Blair as chancellor of Liverpool John Moores University, just one year after he completed the astrophysics PhD he abandoned in the 70s when his band shot to fame.
Is it us, or is the music industry becoming too predictable?