Judgement Day: Arnocorps Vs Austrian Death Machine!
As Arnie himself might say: "AAAAAAGH!"
Our recent interview with Tim Lambesis of Schwarzenegger tribute band Austrian Death Machine has sparked a war of Terminator 2-like proportions!
Shortly after we publsihed it we got a transatlantic call from Arnocorps frontman Holzfeuer, determined to lay to rest the debate over who is Arnie's official band...
TG: Austrian Death Machine have said they don’t want to start a rivalry with Arnocorps. What do you have to say about this? Surely it has already gone too far!
Holzfeuer:: "When I first heard about this new Austrian Death Machine, I thought, 'hey, it's about goddamn time somebody started an ArnoCorps tribute band, right?' I got a hold of this guy Tim to congratulate him and he told me his project was not a tribute to ArnoCorps at all! Come on, don't bullshit me! ArnoCorps have been rocking exclusively about Austrian action adventure for the length of his entire music career! He comes to us for advices. So, it's not that hard for us to give him the wrong advices."
TG: Has Ahnold gone down in your opinion now he is fronting this heavy metal band?
Holzfeuer:: "The real Arnold is now a politician and we don't get involved in politics. We have an opinion about the "Ahhnold" on the Austrian Death Machine cover, and I'm worried they are giving the wrong messages to the kids, out there. He has no symmetry!!! Working on only one bicep? That's insanities. And why is he not exercising the other hand?"
TG: We at TG approached the Governator for a comment as to which band he prefers but got a snotty reply from his secretary saying he’s too busy. He lacks discipline. What do you have to say to him?
Holzfeuer:: "Even though we give Arnold a hard time about exploiting the fantastic ancient heroic Austrian tales in Hollywood and for not giving credit to the Alpine communities back home for all his success, he did endorse ArnoCorps and put an article about us on his official website back in 2002. We have met in person and we didn't try to ram our fists into each other's stomachs or break each other's goddamn spines. I think he admires what ArnoCorps does, because we're like a public service, similar to what he's trying to do, now. No doubt he appreciates that we've never use his likeness to promote any of our products like others do. We sell albums based on our own handsome features and symmetrical physiques."
TG: Is the world big enough for TWO Arnie-based tribute bands?
Holzfeuer:: "A tribute to a particular man, actor, or politician is not the idea behind ArnoCorps at all. Our goal has always been to empower the listener, to help them realize that they themselves can be Goddamn Heroes and Sheroes! Maybe there is room for both bands. There's an old Austrian saying that milk is for babies and when you grow up, you have to drink beer. Well, we think Austrian Death Machine can be like milk, you know, help all the youngsters get introduced to some of these ideas, but when they grow up, they drink beer and most important, listen to ArnoCorps!"
TG: What would happen if you put Arnocorps and Austrian Death Machine together in a post-apocalyptic scenario involving a war between humans and machines?
Holzfeuer:: "ArnoCorps would represent the humans, the heroes. Austrian Death Machine sides with machines, but let's be fair, we outnumber him too much! ArnoCorps recruits heroic members only, those who truly believe in the power and life's blood that is Arno, whereas ADM is made up of one dude. Did no one show up to the auditions? Let me tell you, ArnoCorps is a rescue team, not assassins... but we also know what is best in life; to crush your enemies, see them driven before you and hear the lamentations of the women! So, unless the man behind Austrian Death Machine has three boobies, we're not worried about anything. No problemo."