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Bob Dylan: not a rubbish lyricist

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Indeed, the death of Diana Princess Of Wales inspired even more heinous lyrical crimes when Elton John enlisted Bernie Taupin to re-write their 1973 hit Candle In The Wind.

Best selling single of all time it may be, but the central metaphor was much more fitting when applied to the life of Marilyn Monroe, the song's original inspiration. When viewed side by side, the 1997 version feels ham-fisted and laboured in comparison to the original.

Experiment with juxtaposition

Just because a song is in a major key and upbeat doesn't mean the lyrics necessarily have to mirror the mood. The Stone Roses were very good at combining a sugar-coated pop melody with lyrical bile.

Another trick worth trying is adding a new twist to a familiar phrase - e.g. Unbreak My Heart - or trick the audience into thinking that they are getting a fairly standard rock'n'roll lyric then surprise them with a more jarring pay-off, for example 'Come on over and do the twist/Overdo it and have a fit' from Nirvana's Aneurysm.

Collaborate with others

Let's face it, the Frog Chorus would never have seen the light of day on Lennon's watch. Collaborating with others when writing songs and lyrics not only offers you the benefit of a different mindset and a sounding board, but also, if egos can be put aside, the quality control level should be higher. Then there's always the litigation to look forward to further on down the line if you actually make it...

Finally, there's a strong argument to say that you should ignore all of this advice and go out on a limb. Who knows, you might even write an opening line as good as 'Punctured bicycle on a hillside desolate'. You'll certainly struggle to write anything much worse than this litany of rhyming misogyny from the multi-million selling Red Hot Chili Peppers.