MusicRadar

Basshunter - Jingle Bells

"Jonas Erik Altberg (born December 22, 1984, in Halmstad, Sweden), better known by the pseudonym Basshunter, is a Swedish singer and DJ. Basshunter describes his own music as Eurodance, while others may also interpret it as Eurotrash...." I'm simply quoting Wikipedia here, as I have nothing else to say. Other than: this is utter, utter rubbish. Michael Leonard

Paul McCartney - Wonderful Christmastime

The merest snatch of the squelchy synth intro to this festive monstrosity is enough to drain the Christmas cheer from St Nicholas himself. The sound of a man speeding into a creative nadir with his brakes failing, this couldn't be further from the genius of his Beatles output if it was blasted into space. And by God, we wish it had been. Solid ammunition for the barmy 'Paul is dead' theorists. Chris Vinnicombe

The Kinks - Father Christmas

It's easy to pick on the Cheeky Girls for releasing the aural equivalent of the last turkey in the shop. It's harder to have a pop at those who should know better. But we give you The Kinks and the risible Father Christmas. "Father Christmas / Give us some money / We'll beat you up if you make us annoyed..." This naïve pile of 'social insight' does nothing but sully the reputation of a band who should've stopped five years earlier. Mike Goldsmith

Elvis Presley - Blue Christmas

The words "blue Christmas" in the first line of this country standard (popularised by Elvis) are just the beginning of an utterly ludicrous chromatic adventure. The song is crammed full of nonsense colour references ("decorations of red on a green Christmas tree", "blue snowflakes", "blue memories", "your Christmas of white") that stink of filler and are an effective disclaimer to that old adage 'once you've written the hook line, the rest of the song will write itself'. Chris Wickett

Around the web:

• Stan MorrisAnything with the Chipmunks I Hate.
• Mark DraperBlimey - there is much worse that that piped out of every shop floor across the land! The Kinks - that`s a great track! Refreshingly non soppy, so much more shit out there, Mariah for example, Shakin Stevens all the ahem classics!