MusicRadar

Lita Ford - not the real Santa

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5. Status Quo
It's Christmas Time
Masters of the obvious, the Quo remind us that – yes - it's Christmas time with accompanying generic boogie. Godawful.
MusicRadar verdict: Not the work of wise men.

6. U2
I Believe In Father Christmas

Once again in aid of the (Red)Wire campaign, here's U2's cover of Greg Lake's 1975 smash hit. The instrumental riff from Prokofiev's Lieutenant Kije Suite is tailor-made for The Edge's plinky-plonk guitar stylings.
MusicRadar verdict: It's no New Year's Day.

7. Twisted Sister featuring Lita Ford
I'll Be Home For Christmas
Good Lord. They put this out in 2006, and now again? Dee Snider's 'singing' is truly a miracle.
MusicRadar verdict: If you're coming 'home', we're moving house.

8. Terry Wogan and Aled Jones
Little Drummer Boy / Peace On Earth
The UK's "favourite DJ" and premier "ageing choirboy" recreate the Bing Crosby/David Bowie horror of the 1970s. All proceeds go to the UK's Children In Need charity, so we shall not scoff. But it must be asked…
MusicRadar verdict: Can we pay money to make it go away?

9. Austrian Death Machine
Jingle Bells
Just what you were waiting for. An As I Lay Dying spin-off band who simultaneously pay tribute to Arnold Schwarzenegger and smash-up a trad Christmas song, hardcore style.
MusicRadar verdict: It sleighs.

10. Glam Chops
Countdown To Christmas / Baby Jesus Was The First Glam Rocker
'Masterminded' by Art Brut frontman Eddie Argos, the second track of this double-hit sings of "shepherds with Flying V guitars" and "wise men with glitter on their faces". Diverting… for about 7 seconds.
MusicRadar verdict: All that glitters is not gold.

11. Glasvegas
A Snowflake Fell (And It Felt Like A Kiss)
Scotland's finest haven't recorded just one song, but a whole Christmas album. Phil Spector-esque and bruising Glaswegian melodrama make for songs that actually stand up on their own.
MusicRadar verdict: Maudlin, delicate, broken - just like a real Christmas.