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It's time to salute artists such as Slade, T. Rex and Wizzard, who not only looked like walking Christmas trees, but who can also summon the festive spirit with just a few crunchy chords.
Glam rock songs are easily written. Start with a lead riff (ideally played on a distorted Les Paul), set it to the glam beat and get kinky with your vocal delivery. Bellbottoms are, you'll be pleased to know, mandatory.
Buy glitter make-up from town. Try not to look shifty in process.