clare_bear's new song

[clare_bear]

***NEW MIX**** - see below

It's with more than a little trepidation that I post this! This is my first song of the new forum!

OK, for those who don't know me.....I have only been songwriting for a couple of years, and in that time have written only a handful of songs. If my songwriting is in it's infancy, my production 'skills' are embryonic.

I'd love some constructive feedback, but please be gentle as my ego is easily bruised!

And I should warn you that there are a few (ahem) pitching problems with my vocals (thus proving that unless you practice, you will not get any better!). If the feedback is OK, I may still just have the patience to re-record them.

The song's here:
http://soundclick.com/share?songid=6199307

Thanks for listening!

***A SLIGHTLY ALTERED MIX*** - to hopefully improve the drum and vocal levels. Please listen if you can bare (bear? ) it.

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=6398971

[lbix.]

Nice song Clarebear! How did you do the drums? They sound great! Your voice has a very nice tone to it - the intonation isn't bad at all - I regularly hear much much worse than that, and the tone, like I said, is great.

Can't wait to hear some more!

[Huey2]

Clare! Nice!

I'd like to hear that song live with a full band

Loving the middle 8 bit...but its crying out for a teh roxxor solo!!!

do it do it!

Good chord sequence...

[martynq]

Most excellent. I feel humbled amongst such talent on this board.

I'll get my coat.

[Danny1969]

Sounds great Clare, voice is a lot more confident than it has been and the main guitar is good. It's another jump up from the last one, which was better than it's predecessor so the progress is consistent. Good thought to arrangement, the change at 2:10 ish, breaks it up nicely.

The trouble with being a songwriter, singer, player, engineer and a producer is you can't expect to nail it all without years of practice. Still I think with the kit you have you are doing a good job. Main points I would point out is the timings a tad iffy here and there and it sounds as though a previous vocal take or scrapped backing vocal is bleeding through slighty which would be easy enough to fix.

I don't know if your familiar with "comping takes" but if you wanted to get a more professional finish to the vocal without having to nail it verse by verse then that's what a lot of pros do, basically record many takes and comp a final take from bits of each. I only mention this cos your voice is good in tone but your not making it as good as it could be.
That's it for nit picking, the main thing is while a lot of muso's threaten to get round to recording something one day your getting on with it and turning out finished pieces. I think you do a good job

[Vasko]

As said above some nice chords in there, fantastic middle eight, a whole song of that please
As to the phantom 'backing' vocals i dont know if they were intentional but i like them, though they got a bit lost, beef them up or get rid of completely i reckon.
Good voice too, keep em coming

[Grunfeld]

The actual song Clare is right up my street musically -- absolutely the sort of thing I like to listen to.

Your voice is really good now too. Much more confident!

Production wise, Danny's said what's on my mind already. It's a personal preference thing so all this is subjective: the vocal, for me, isn't up front enough -- dunno if that's a slap back echo I'm hearing or timing issues with double tracking -- but it seems to be blurring the vocal. And I can't hear the 2nd vocal near the end at all. Well I know it's there but I can't make it out.

Drums seem a bit "roomy" -- again, it's subjective but the reason I like "nearer" drums is that they always seem to carry more energy and you've written a dirty, sleazy song which is fucking great... so I like hearing energy. Fuck your voice sounds good on this -- 3rd time listening now!

The guitars are great. No it does NOT need to be ruined with a bleedin' solo [at Huey ] IMO of course.

Big thumbs up! Really like it. Can't wait to play it louder once it's a bit later in the day.


Oli

[WYNIR0]

Wow, that is excellent Clare. Your voice has come on leaps and bounds, a really confident performance.

Certainly some timing / tightness issues around the tempo changes as others have said, but I thought it was a real stepforward. I look forward to hearing more.

[clare_bear]

Wow, thanks everyone, this means a lot.

I'll have a go at working on improving some of the timing and vocals when I get the chance.

BTW drums were done with Jamstix 2 - the first decent result I've had with drums, and the first outing for my JS2. I'll look at the 'roominess' of them, Oli, see if I can't make them a bit more in yer face.

Danny - thanks for the advice, always helpful stuff. The 'phantom' vocals were deliberate, but as Vasko says, they seem to need beefing up or eliminating. I'll try both and see which I prefer. I couldn't really get them to sit where I wanted, or sound quite right - maybe because I was using mainly the same effects for all the vocal tracks, due to my poor little cpu flagging a bit! I'll try to eek a bit more out of it!

I am thrilled by the comments about my voice, as I was a bit dubious of it on this track - I am now much more aware that I need to train it a bit if I want to improve, so I hope I can squeeze in some regular time to exercise it a bit. Oli, to hear you 'say':

Fuck your voice sounds good on this

has made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside - in fact I'd better post this before I cry (especially as I'm in the office with other people!!).

Huey - I decided that the song didn't need a solo, although I did originally plan to have one. Maybe I'll have a go and see if I can play one I like, but don't hold your breath as I now like the space in the middle 8!

So, thanks a lot for listening and commenting, I'll try to make some improvements as my enthusiasm for the track is still there! I'll maybe give myself a couple of days off!

Any other comments about the production side? I have spent absolutely hours on it, so I hoped it had improved - the monitors have made a difference, so I'm glad I bought those! (ESI nEAR 04s, I think!).

Thanks all, you've made a bear very happy

[evilmags]

Nice. Makes me feel very lazy for getting bugger all recording posted. You should gig it at an open mic night with some backing tapes. It deserves a live outing.